We can all agree that we live in a world with many opinions, right? I mean, that’s what makes our world great; we are all different and have different views. However, I have been wondering lately, have we as a society moved from being opinionated to being thoughtless of others? Are we repeatedly giving our advice, thoughts, and opinions unsolicited? We are constantly surrounded by everyone’s “advice,” and we have lost the ability to listen and ask others what they need. Instead of asking our friends, colleagues, and family members, “What can I do to help?” we are flooding them with our opinions on the situation. I am unsure if people give out thoughts more than a helping hand because they believe they know the “right” answer to everything or if we have forgotten the essential human skill of listening with empathy to the needs of others. We have failed to ask, “How can I help?”
I am not implying that we cannot assist others in getting what they need, but how can we even begin to do that without the minimum assessment of asking what it is they need to start with? Not everyone’s needs are the same for every situation, so what you may believe someone is asking for or needing at the time isn’t actually what will help them to resolve. In addition, life experience informs conflict resolution techniques, so your response to a specific situation could be dramatically different from what someone else would do when posed with the same problem. Perhaps 2023 could be the year for us all to try to replace our assumptions and opinions with questions and listening.
All this is not to say that I am free from being guilty of offering my advice to the situations of others. Providing my opinion showed the other person that I was engaged in what they were saying. In retrospect, however, I have realized that I have no business guiding topics that I am not educated in or conversations where I wasn’t asked for guidance. Intending to alleviate this, I have recently tried to make it a habit to ask people, “Do you want advice, or do you just need to vent?” I have found this to be exceedingly helpful in understanding my role in the conversation, whether it be a listener, advisor, or a combination of both. This strategy also helps avoid the awkward silence created by the ambiguity of not knowing what the other person hopes to achieve from the interaction.
Being aware of others and mindful that our situations and needs can differ will impact our relationships. So, the next time your loved ones confide in you about something, try asking them if they need someone to vent to or give them advice – you may be surprised that they need a listening ear.
Haley Gallaher
I’m Haley Gallaher a 4th year medical student at Saint James Medical School. I am currently doing my clinical rotations in McAllen Texas but I am originally from West Virginia. I am interested in practicing medicine in neurology and psychiatry.