I hope this article will illuminate that different emotional and mental well-being states look different for everyone. I also hope that everyone can take time to remember that your lived experiences are unique to you and should not be used as a point of comparison to others. Most of us think about self-harming, overdosing, crying, and isolating when we think of depression. People who wear long, dark trench coats and have their hair covering up their face–that is the image we have of the person with depression.
Depression can not be the star athlete or the pageant queen, right? People with nice clothes, good grades, significant others, and many friends cannot have depression. These people could never need help with mental health because what do they have to be depressed about? Because of the “they have nothing to be sad about” mentality, people who feel they do not have significant enough trauma or a hard enough life cannot possibly be depressed. They think they need to “get motivation, or stop being so lazy, or stop having a pity party, and toughen up.” These people are so pretty and well-liked that they tell themselves it is totally normal that they feel like it is a struggle to get out of bed every day.
It must be totally normal that they are missing class/work because they cannot get up in the mornings, despite having slept for 16 hours. They still look good, so it must be totally normal that they have not been to practice or the gym, even though they used to go every day. So, while they are convinced that they need to find the motivation to get back to their regular routine, they end up feeling inadequate and ashamed of the helplessness and hopelessness suffocating every aspect of their lives. They become miserable in their skin and agonized in their minds. However, they believe it must be normal for them to feel this way because they have nothing to be sad about. This continues until they no longer show up for practices at all, lose their position on the team, no longer do pageants, lose their scholarships, miss so many days of work that they get fired, and stop answering their phone, thus losing all their friends. This leads to further feelings of shame, isolation, and helplessness. They ask themselves, “How could I have let myself get like this?”
The diagnostic criteria for Major Depressive Disorder are only two weeks of meeting at least five of the following criteria: depressed mood, loss of interest or pleasure in doing most or all activities, insomnia/hypersomnia, change in appetite or weight, psychomotor agitation/retardation, low energy, poor concentration, thoughts of worthlessness or guilt, thoughts of suicide. So no, in fact, it is NOT totally normal to be disconsolate in your mind. Everyone has bad days; yes, that is true. However, without a formative cause, these feelings going on for two weeks or longer are not due to being lazy or unmotivated. It is not a weakness or something that people can snap out of. It is a disorder caused by a variety of factors, including, but not limited to, biological changes, neurotransmitters, and hormones – all of which are uncontrollable.
Be mindful that hardships, life experiences, and feelings are not competition. You can experience all of those things regardless of what others are going through. Your life is not comparable to the lives of those around you. Do not let yourself fall into the depths of depression, presuming that you have no right to complain about anything because you do not have it as tough as others. Telling yourself that you are lazy, unmotivated, and weak-minded does nothing but keep you from getting the help you need. Depression is multifactorial and does not discriminate based on wealth, attractiveness, athletic ability, and physical prowess. The average time people wait to receive mental health help is eleven years. That is eleven years too long. I cannot help but think that maybe people are waiting so long to get help because they believe that their symptoms of depression are not warranted.
Your trauma does not have to be catastrophic to be impactful. The events in your life that caused you distress are life-altering to some degree, regardless of how they seemingly lack compared to others’ life experiences. Perhaps the stigma that engulfs all aspects of mental health prevents people from thinking that they deserve help if they are feeling depressed. Perhaps it is that same stigma that keeps people from even knowing that what they are feeling is depression, so they bear on like everything is totally normal. If you need help, do not be afraid to ask for it.
Haley Gallaher
I’m Haley Gallaher a 4th year medical student at Saint James Medical School. I am currently doing my clinical rotations in McAllen Texas but I am originally from West Virginia. I am interested in practicing medicine in neurology and psychiatry.
I happen to think talking and discussing in the study of sociology and psychology the main ingredient that provokes depression in the form of algorithms can help the a body of people heal.
Often times, it’s taken me to be honest and responsible with my journey, self esteem, and emotions, in order to get closer to my overall internal daily goal as my happy zone.
The developmental proximity zone is so vital for a child and especially for an adult that requires healthy relationships in a social world. At times it’s taken the need to move away from social environments that don’t serve well and or no longer serve as intended.
This has often times offered me the choice of narrowing my social network and zeroing down to a minimalist circle of trust. Just to find my inner voice once again in order to heal from other underlying traumatic symptoms associated with DSMV.
It occurred to me that men can become swamped and overwhelmed with so much unrealistic expectations causing external conflicts even interruptions in daily roles and functions.
But bringing to light these phenomenons helps us all to eliminate further toxic thoughts and drives us back into right and correct thinking.
Communication is essential for growth and maturity. Communication is essential for voicing personal concerns that should concern an entire society. Hence why one needs to have own down time to plug into inner space/source to find inner strength and balance in order to carry on man’s torch. I enjoyed this article very much. Thank you for sharing and hope my words are of good use to someone else other than myself.