“Dad, I would have preferred to keep listening to your stories rather than attend your funeral. I feel guilty because I didn’t do more and because I didn’t see the signs.”
Suicide is a tragedy for the individual, the family, and the community. No matter how prepared we may be to face the death of a loved one, losing someone to suicide is a sad, shocking, painful, and devastating experience. Studies show that families who lose someone to suicide—whose members are known as suicide loss survivors—are at greater risk of experiencing mental health problems and suicidal thoughts or behaviors.
Losing someone to suicide can lead to an especially complicated grieving process, marked by a constant search for answers: Why did it happen? Could I have done something differently? How did I not realize? Why didn’t I see the signs? These questions are often accompanied by intense guilt over not having been able to prevent the tragedy.
Surviving family members may experience anger, sadness, confusion, and isolation. They may also experience symptoms of anxiety, depression, or post-traumatic stress. That is why, after a suicide, we must be concerned not only about the person who died but also about those who remain.
If I Had Known That Was the Last Time…
“If I had known that was the last time I would see you, I would have given you a hug and a kiss. I would have told you that you were not alone; that dreams never die, but simply change form; that even though you could not see a way out at that moment, there was another possibility besides suicide. I would have told you that I need you, that your presence matters, that success can also be found in the small things, and that you make our lives better simply by speaking.”
It is important to remember that the responsibility for preventing a suicide does not fall on one person alone. Often, the signs are not obvious, and some people may hide their suffering deeply. We may never know exactly what was happening in the mind of someone who died by suicide. But we can learn to recognize when someone is suffering and act before it is too late.
Who Is at Risk?
Suicide does not have a single cause. It generally occurs when several factors come together and a person feels that their pain exceeds the resources they have to cope with it.
Some factors that may increase risk include:
● A history of suicide attempts.
● Depression or other mental health conditions.
● Problematic alcohol or drug use.
● Traumatic experiences or abuse.
● A recent loss of a person, relationship, job, or financial stability.
● Social isolation or a feeling of not belonging.
● Family conflict or significant relationship problems.
● Physical pain or chronic illness.
● Access to lethal means.
● A family history of suicide.
Having one or more of these factors does not mean that a person will die by suicide. They are indicators that we should pay closer attention, strengthen support, and, when necessary, seek professional help. A single sign also cannot tell us with certainty what is happening. What matters is observing changes, listening, and not ignoring what concerns us.
We will not always be able to identify every sign. We will not always know how much pain someone is hiding behind a smile. And we will not always be able to prevent a tragedy. But we can create communities where talking about mental health is not a source of shame. We can learn to ask, listen, recognize changes, and connect people with help.
Above all, we can stop waiting until someone is in crisis to tell them:
“You matter to me.”
“I’m here with you.”
“You don’t have to face this alone.”
If you or someone you know is experiencing a crisis or thinking about suicide, call or text 988 in the United States.
German Corso MD
German is a trained and Board-Certified in Child, Adolescent and Adult Psychiatry. German is currently a medical director at Tropical Texas Behavioral health where he also functions as the physician attending for medical students currently rotating in the valley. Dr. Corso did his Psychiatry residency in Saint Louis, then joined UT Southwestern Medical School for a fellowship in Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. Dr. Corso is also a co-founder of the Shrink Box podcast, actively participating in the discussion of relevant mental health topics affecting society.
