When is the right time for your Child to get a phone?

Vicky spent two weeks in the ICU at a local hospital after an intentional overdose in an attempt to end her life. Being 14 years old, Vicky never thought about the possible consequences of sharing an intimate picture with a friend and the situation she faced at school after being mocked and bullied. A week after being out of the psychiatric hospital, Vicky shared she felt trapped as she could not talk to her parents due to feeling shame, guilt, and fear of disappointing them.

As it often happens after a situation like this, parents question not only about how to improve communication with their children or provide adequate mental health treatment, but also about whether they are making good decisions regarding their children’s access to electronic devices.

Giving a phone to a child is much more than the mere act of providing a device. It is an act that requires active parental involvement in education, support, and supervision. Wouldn’t you want to teach your Child how to drive, provide support during the learning process, and supervise before you give them access to a car? That’s right, electronic devices pose some risks to children, and they need to know much more than how to make videos, chat with friends, or use popular apps.

For many years my answer to the question was for parents to give a phone as late as possible. However, after hearing Susan Lluna, an expert on digital strategy, talk about how to educate your Child for a digital world, I have concluded that the decision depends on two factors: The Child’s maturity level and the degree of parental involvement during the process of getting a phone.    

The Child’s maturity level

It is not about being a certain age. It has to do more with how mature the Child is, and there is no one better than a parent to know how mature their Child is! Your Child does not need to be perfect but requires certain maturity traits that could act as protective factors. Some points to consider when thinking about a child’s maturity level include the following:

• Behavior: Observe how the Child acts on regular bases. Does the Child typically think before acting? Does the child respect authority figures? Does the Child take ownership of behaviors? Is the Child able to follow the rules? Is the Child responsible and follows through with commitments? Does the Child have smart and healthy habits like knowing to say no to delinquent behaviors?

• Emotional response: Observe how the Child copes with conflicts, disappointments, or failures. How does the Child feel about self? Does the Child express feelings in unhealthy ways, such as anger or rage?

• Intellectual abilities: Observe how the Child thinks about specific situations. Does the Child use critical thinking to help with problem-solving? Does the Child take time to analyze situations to judge the consequences of actions better?  

• Communication style: Observe how the Child communicates with others. Is the Child able to express emotions in an acceptable way? Is the Child able to practice active listening?

The degree of parental involvement 

The enormous societal pressure for children to have a phone increases every day. It is hard not to give your Child a phone when everyone else at school may already have one. If you are considering providing a phone to your Child, it is essential to remember that giving the phone is the initial step of a long process called digital guidance. Digital guidance is an accompanying journey that involves learning about different basic digital concepts, understanding how these concepts may affect us, and gauging potential risks we may be exposed to. Digital guidance aims to help a child develop progressive digital autonomy by exploring different critical concepts. Some of those vital concepts include:

• Privacy: All data that you share is public. Technology enterprises collect data on all our internet interactions to know as much as possible about us, intending to influence our decisions. Pictures, conversations, videos, or any other interactions on servers are not private, so if there is anything you do not want public, do not share it! No matter how much you trust someone, do not share things through digital devices that may put you in a vulnerable position.

• Content selection: The selection of internet content should be the responsibility of the Child. Parents need to discuss what is appropriate and the expectations for the device use. It is essential to openly discuss different contents and explain which types help personal growth and which can be potentially destructive and harmful.

• Security: Using a device creates a digital life that needs to be protected! Children must understand that passwords should not be shared with anyone, as it is the key to accessing your private information. It is essential to be mindful of how much access we allow apps to have and read the policies of how they use the data being collected.

• Digital media law: It is crucial to understand it to avoid getting in trouble! The rapid evolvement of digital media spiked new developments in regulation that have yet to be fully known by the general public. Intellectual property rights violations, hate speech, defamation, and privacy invasion are potential situations where individuals are subjected to legal conflicts.

• Reputation: Digital media is an extension of your natural life! Companies, colleges, and agencies around the country are looking for information on your digital media to guide an assessment of your behavior, views, and personality. Be conscious that whatever you post on social media could affect your reputation.

Attaining progressive digital autonomy requires a lot of parental involvement, but it is a process that can be fun and rewarding. It can help parents connect with their children, preparing them to understand the potential challenges they may face during their digital world experience. As the old proverb says, “Prevention is better than cure.”